Memories of the Past
by Lady Elara
Summary: Remus' internal thoughts before, during and after the encounter with Harry in the train on the way to Hogwarts Harry's third year.


It had been over a decade since Remus Lupin had been to Platform 9 ¾. The last time had been after his graduation from Hogwarts, and he had stood here with the people that he considered family; James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Petegrew and Lilly Evans. But this time, he was all alone. All but one of those friends was long since dead, and the one who still lived was rotting in Azkaban, where he belonged for his betrayal. The memories flying through his mind were both some of the happiest and the most bittersweet of his life.

After looking around the platform for a while, he made his way onboard the beautiful black and scarlet train. Even more memories awaited him there as he made his way through the currently empty cars. He knew it wouldn't be long before all the students would be flooding in, ready to make the journey that would take them to the castle that would be their home for the next 10 months. He wondered if it would still feel like home to him when he walked through those doors, or if it would feel completely different now that he was more or less alone.

Ah, there it was. The car that had been theirs for 7 years. Reverently, he laid a hand on the handle, still swimming in nostalgia. After his first year, September 1st had always been one of his favorite days of the year, because it meant reuniting with his friends. Now, all that was left was his memories. Sliding the door open, he entered the compartment, stashing his bag up on the rack then sitting down next to the window. He had planned on trying to enjoy the view of the country side on the way to Hogwarts, but he soon found himself completely exhausted. After all, he was just coming off a cycle and had had very little sleep the last few days. Pulling his coat up around his shoulders like a blanket, he leaned up against the window and soon felt himself drifting off to a deep sleep.

He never noticed the clamor outside of the children boarding the train, hear the three who joined him, or even feel the train bumping along the tracks. It wasn't until he felt a cold shiver of dread, and his memories of that horrible Halloween night so many years before came to haunt his nightmares. It took a moment, but soon, he realized what this combination of things meant. His eyes flew open, and sure enough, he saw the distinct fog filing the compartment, and, turning his eyes to the door, there was a Dementor attacking. Jumping up, he pulled out his wand and performed the Patronus Charm. It only took a moment for the Dementor to go away.

With a sigh of relief that it was over, he looked around the compartment. There were three young people who appeared to be around 13 years old. One was a brown eyed, brown haired young woman who was shaking on the floor. Beside her was a man of about the same age with blue eyes and flaming red hair. They both seemed rather rattled but none the worse for the experience.

But there, lying on the bench, was a young man who was all too familiar to him, and it was like he himself was 13 years old again. The boy was the spitting image of a young James Potter, and there could be no mistaking who it was. This had to be Harry.

Remus' heart stopped in his chest for a moment as he looked on the child of his best friends for the first time in 12 years. He wanted nothing more than to scoop him up and hold him close like he had when Harry was just a baby, but he knew that the boy wouldn't likely remember him at all now and would most likely be scared out of his wits. So instead, he settled for sitting on the opposite seat beside the red haired boy while the girl kneeled in front of Harry, picking up his glasses from where they'd fallen on the floor.

Remembering one thing that he could do, he dug in his pocket and pulled out a candy bar. Unwrapping it, he broke it into pieces, handing one to the boy and girl. "Here. It's chocolate. It'll help." They both took the offered treat, eating it quietly while they waited for Harry to wake up.

A short time later, he did, his eyes fluttering open to reveal the same bright green eyes that Lilly had had and that Remus remembered from when Harry was little. Remus was relieved that the boy seemed to be unharmed as well by the encounter, though he had had a far stronger reaction than was normal.

The girl handed Harry back his glasses, and once he had put them back on, Remus held out the largest chunk of the candy that he had reserved for him. "Here, eat this. It'll help." At Harry's slight hesitation and apprehensive look, Remus encouraged him. "It's alright, it's chocolate." He sat quietly, giving Harry a gentle smile, waiting to see what sort of reaction he would receive.

Harry sat up and stared at him, unrecognizing, for a moment before turning to the door. "Wh..what was that thing?"

Remus glanced at the door as well. "That was a Dementor, one of the guards of Azkaban. It's gone now. It was searching the train for Sirius Black." Reaching across the small compartment, he laid the remainder of the bar, still in the wrapper, on the bench beside Harry. "If you'll excuse me, I need to have a little word with the driver." Standing up, he stepped to the door and pulled it open before turning back to give Harry one more smile. "Eat. You'll feel better." Closing the door, he walked away down the carriage, trying to find a little privacy on this crowded train.

There hadn't even been a glimmer of recognition in Harry's eyes when he'd looked at him, and it tore Remus' heart worse than almost anything had in the last decade. When Harry had been a baby, he had loved his 'Unca Moon' so much, and the feeling had been mutual. The only person young Harry had loved more, his parents not counting, was 'Unca Siri'. Now he was a complete stranger to the boy.

Of course, it only made sense. Harry had been barely more than a year old the last time they had seen each other. He would dearly have loved to stay in contact with the boy as he grew up, to be able to tell him about his parents and the noble sacrifice they had made, how much they had loved him, and all the other things. But Dumbledore had given strict orders that no one was to have contact with Harry. He was to remain strictly under the care of his maternal aunt until he was old enough.

If he had had the money and a more stable life, then perhaps he would have fought to take the boy in himself, but as it was, he could barely take care of himself sometimes, there was no way that he could have taken on a child all these years. The best he could do now was to perhaps try and build a relationship with Harry during the school year. It might not be easy, but in memory of James and Lily, he felt he had to at least make the effort.

Taking a few deep breaths and wiping away the tears that had tracked down his cheek, he pulled himself together and casually slipped out from his hiding place, making his way to the front of the train as if nothing had happened. This was going to be an interesting year, he just didn't know yet if that was a good thing or a bad.


End file.
